There Are No Words for Thoughts and Prayers

By Doug Forbes

I get it. Today’s “thoughts and prayers” and “there are no words” idioms are convenient. But convenience can be deeply hurtful to those who do not pray and who do cherish words.

We should think about our thinking before we abandon words and embrace passive reflection. In fact, consoling those who are nearly unconsolable does indeed require words.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” The truth is, you don’t have to be sorry about anything if you are not responsible. You simply have to be responsible for losing the easy and embracing the hard.

Suffering is hard enough. We all do it at one time or another. We all share that as mortals with body clocks ticking away. But we don’t have to suffer in silence, in prayers, in the abandonment of words. It is so damn hard to engage people like us who are a fraction of what we were. But…

“My condolences to you and your family. We want to support you…buy you lunch, go for a walk, help you around the house. We will check in here and there to see when we can make that happen, OK?”

Perhaps that’s a better way to go about it. To use words and deeds. To stay connected to the now, even if there is resistance at the outset.

There is no perfect solution. But there is a solution or two nonetheless.

Roxie is not in a better place. She does not require spiritual assistance. She is currently in a small box on a shelf in her closet next to her jackets and dresses. Her body is ash. And we, her parents, are in shreds.

What we need is to hear words carefully and compassionately shaped by considerable thoughts. Roxie deserved at least that much. And I think we do too.